Educational Page

 My understanding of all this transgender stuff.

While I'm no expert or educational genius of any type my insight of the transgender subject is all from my experience in life and different researching I've done on the web.
My hope is too encourage, promote understanding and to create a better understanding of the transgender community.

COURAGE:
I feel the first thing one must deal with is the courage to first off admit to oneself that being transgender is not a terrible thing.  Accepting oneself should be the first priority.  Each and everyone of us have different needs and wants that arise from being transgender which is not a choice.  While we must each sort through these feeling about our needs, wants and where we want  all of this to go.  I've met many Crossdressers and transgender people from all walks of life who have helped me grow.  Sometimes all of this stuff takes time to accept and feel comfortable being yourself.   I took many of years to reach my current level of acceptance of who I am and who I want to be.  Each person should be comfortable about who they are before they go out and tell other friends, family or venture out to the public world.  

TRANSGENDER:
Trans people come from all walks of life and many different age ranges with many variables.  Each of us have many different needs and wants in life.  The degree to which we make our feminine/male self up to match our true gender also varies upon the need of each individual.  I dress up daily wearing feminine attire usually casual during the day at work, and in skirts and dresses in the evening.  Some transwomen wear skirts and dresses all the time and others may never wear skirts and dresses.  Understanding why we are transgendered is really still unexplained in my eyes completely other than the internal feelings that one has inside.  I do believe there is something in our biological make-up that creates the gender issues.  There are many explanations from different medical and psychological associations that claim all sorts of things in regards to gender.  Some say there is imbalance in the brain, and some say it was our family life.  Some may even say just give it up and it'll go away.  I think most of us trans people have tried the give it up theory at some point.  In my case I believe the give it up theory made me need to bring the girl in me out more frequently.  Whatever the reason for the transgender feeling each and every one of us has different needs.  What most people don't realize is being transgender has more to do with gender rather than sex.  Some transgender people are attracted to members of the opposite sex just like a large number of the population.  Finding out exact numbers for Transgender people in the world is hard to find, but most studies say around .3 percent of the population are trans.  There are no easy answers as to why we need to accept our true gender.  Many of us have gone through the give up acknowledging our true gender and start over stage several times in our lives.  While it has taken some time to accept and understand this is part of me, and I now feel really gifted to have this feminine side of myself.  Enjoying the transgender side has allowed me the opportunity to explore many things that some may never explore.  I've had the great pleasure of meeting many new friends through conventions and just being out in public as my true self.  Many people don't really understand being trans because explaining to some one that as a biological born male according to the doctors assumption based on my genitals my female gender is a real feeling.  To dress and act in an opposite gender from birth seems weird to most people as most can't understand.  I truly feel as though I've always been a girl on the gender side.  Most Transgender people are really just hard working members of our society and have Families.   Many will never tell of this secret gender feeling because of fear that family and friends may reject us.  While some have told with great success others have had great deal of problems from telling about there gender issue.  One of the great problems I've seen with telling is figuring out how to explain why I feel the need to dress and be feminine.  I still have a problem explaining this in a understandable manor that makes any real sense.  I think part of the reason I hid is explaining gender in a way that makes any sense is super tough.  After many years of hiding I've finally reached the point where I'm comfortable.  If someone asks I'll usually talk about my gender now.  In case your wondering why some people would ask about me let's just say me wearing make-up, nails, and long curly hair in pretty ponytail scrunchy's usually draws attention.  After many years of hiding, I have slowly progressed into being out fulltime and accepting my fears of being discovered by people that know me.  It's sort of funny acting as a semi tough guy that explaining the want to be feminine is so tough.   Learning to Understand all of this transgender stuff genuinely takes time.  Some people embrace and others just wish the gender issue would just go away.  

FRIENDS, FAMILY, & PUBLIC:
While we all are from many different backgrounds of life the need to inform others varies dramatically.  Some of us feel compelled to tell others and some may never tell a soul.  Reasons for telling very with each and everyone of us.  In the beginning I hid as much as possible telling no one of my desires to cross dress and as time has progressed I've come to the point to where hiding my gender became impossible.  If someone asks I tell them I'm transgender not everyone is comfortable having a conversation on gender.  Starting with the wife, girlfriend, or significant other the need for them to know is fairly important cause at some point your secret will come out.  Consequences of telling vary from acceptance to divorce.  Everyone must make there own choice in when and who to tell.  One of the best pieces of advice I've seen is to arm yourself with educational material dealing with gender.  The extra help from this material should help one answer questions about transgender issues.  I would also like to add that you should prepare yourself with as much educational information as possible.    
Family's should be told as one feels comfortable with oneself.  Be prepared for the consequences of telling.  Again acceptance will vary from good to bad.  One should also decide what is the benefit from telling.  Some people probably don't need to know just depends on how much your planning on being out . Telling kids is also a big concern and each one of us should think long and hard about what we want them to know.  I shared with my daughter from the moment she was born with the consent of her mother.  I felt like not letting her know would be lying to her as she got older.  However there can be consequences from telling kids sometimes they'll tell other people that may not know.  You should agree with your spouse on when and how much the kids should know.  Friends again bring the same fears that family's bring.  We'll have friends that accept and others that'll never talk to you again.  Here again decide on the importance of the need to know.  If you plan on being out dressed up/presenting as opposite gender there's a chance of running into someone you know.  This also brings up a good point even if your family and friends don't recognize you, if your out with your significant other they may recognize them.  
Public should be told only when one wants too.  Most of the public really will say very little about you being transgender.  Since I been getting out more frequently I've realized most people don't really care.  However one must prepare themselves for the one jerk that wants to try and impress someone.  Always think about your safety as you head out, and select places that should provide you with the safest environment.  
Remember when you tell the consequences will very greatly.  I've taken my time informing those around me, and done some of it just by wearing feminine items.  Now I have announced to my friends that I'm Kimberly.  Letting other people know about your gender is something one should strongly consider the consequences before telling.  Nobody wants to get hurt from friends, family or public.  Just remember everyone has a reason for there personal opinion and that not everyone will agree with you.  I can't stress enough be prepared for the worst when you tell but hope for the best.  Be sure to have information handy to help yourself explain.  You may also use web sites but preview them before referring someone and understand not all websites contain helpful information that will help.  Some web sites can contain material that will create even bigger problems.  One should also remember we are only on this planet a short time and to live as happy as possible.

GOING OUT IN PUBLIC
When heading out to the public world one should try and find places that will provide safety for ones self.  Understand there is no completely safe place in the world the risks are everywhere.  Be prepared in the event you run into someone you know remember it's a small world.  Dressing appropriately for where one is going will help a great deal with the public.  If you plan on dressing like a good friend of mine does as 50's housewife you'll really get noticed.  I love to wear petticoats and this too will get you noticed quickly.  Dressing like a slut will get you a lot of attention also.  Just be prepared for occasional comments remember most people do not understand being trans.  I usually just smile real big if someone makes a mean comment cause the less you show fear most will just go about there business.  I've personally have never felt any real threat from being out, but I have been nervous about being seen by people I know and how people will react to me.  I do remember when getting from the house to the car would make me a nervous wreck.  I would pace and look out the window hoping to sneak out when know one was looking.  Since most people have some idea about who there neighbors are you could put someone in quite a bit of shock when the guy next door comes out in a dress.  Good news after a while they get used to you coming out in a dress and probably  won't think nothing of it. Dressing like genetic gender helps one not attract as much attention, but as transgender individuals we sometimes tend to go overboard.  I enjoy going out and look forward to each time I get to venture out which is all the time since I came out.  Be safe and enjoy the world that is available to us.

INFORMATION FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND PUBLIC
To understand gender first one must approach this subject with an semi open mind.  Let me say most transgender people have no intension of causing harm.  Most of the time the media is quick to point out when a male dressed as a woman commits a crime.  This is not the nature of most transgender people as most don't want trouble.  While just like the rest of the population the good and bad do exist.  Many transgender people are active in there communities, religious groups, and society in general.  While each of us dress to different standards slutty to professional, sloppy to beautiful, conservative to extreme our main goal is to enjoy our lives.  I've seen many transgender people that have been public servants such as military, fireman, policeman, and medical, and many others from very vast careers.  I've known of none that intended to hurt or cause harm to anyone intentionally.  As with anything that is considered abnormal there is sometimes hurt that comes from the fear, anger, and shock of such news of a loved one being gender different.  I say proceed with caution if you choose the internet to gain knowledge as some websites can be extreme.  There are however many support groups, some websites and some counselors with very good information.  Most transgender people just want to enjoy life.   While all of us have very different needs and wants from being trans the best results come by communicating.  Remember that no one has any perfect explanation of why transgender people need to express there selves.  I do encourage anyone having serious issues with gender to seek professional help.  Each relationship be it family, friend, or public will have to sort through dealing with the gender issue.  While I can't tell anyone how to feel about trans please remember that being patient and communicating the best possible results can usually be achieved.
   
IF YOUR STRUGGLING MENTALLY WITH TRANSGENDER
Let me remind you that I in no way a professional with any of this.  I do encourage any one that is having serious issues understanding transgender issues to seek out information.  There are support groups that are available all across our country.  I don't like to here about others who have hurt themselves cause of gender issues.  Please seek out counseling if you feel you can't deal with this on your own.  Don't be afraid to e-mail me with questions I'll answer them the best I can.      
 
 


Please E-MAIL me if you have questions or input on the betterment of this page 
kimberly@kimberlytiffany.com