What is Your Biggest Hurt in Life and Biggest Regret in Life?

 

Biggest hurt in life for me would be hiding in the closet for so long fearing the loss of people I love.  There is no one to blame this fear on other than my own self and lack of knowledge.  The fact of not being able to share probably also helped make me unable to communicate important times in my life with others growing up.  I struggled trying to live and not share with people in my life out of fear even though it hurt hiding.  I still feel at times like I'm hiding part of my life with some people.  Ok honestly, I am still hiding things as it's a hard thing to change.  I'm not talking about the fact that I transitioned its other aspects which I'd like to share with people I love.  In some form or fashion, I feel like I cheated my family and friends out of knowing the real me.  It Definitely affected my closeness with the family.  Although their ability to cope or understand back in the day would have been extremely tough.  Understanding was part of my problem as well.  Information was a lot harder to come by before internet and society was truly lacking an understanding of gender dysphoria.  Each day presents an opportunity to become stronger in eliminating my biggest hurt.  In some sense it's still not easy as I tend to shy away from anything that could hurt someone I love.  I often wonder what it would be like to be completely open and honest about my feelings.

  My biggest regret would probably be that my biggest hurt changed my life in a way no one understood including myself.  While all is not lost there are aspects that can't be corrected.  Each day presents the opportunity to correct what I can.  Which includes living my life true to myself and trying to be a better person to myself and family.  Erasing the hurt and regret means living as I've always felt like inside.  I still have slight fears of rejection but am happier since my transition started back in October 2016.  In truth my transition started as a kid but I lacked a knowledge to comprehend my feelings.   The knowledge I've gained over the last few years is helping me become stronger as a person.  It's always been my hope to share my feelings and maybe help others that struggle with gender issues.